Dear mom:
by Blank nick
Summary: Every action has its consequences, that's how the world works and will. Knowing this, is okay to regret your decisions once you have done them? His sin torments Edward more than anything. A letter that will never be answered is writen, asking for a forgivess the writer does not think he deserves. Could Alphonse and Trisha forgive him?


**Disclaimer:** **Needless to say that I am not Hiromu Arakawa, therefore I do not own FullMetal Alchemist, neither its [fantastic] characters.**

* * *

 _"Dear Mom:_

 _How are you? I hope you're well. Alphonse and me are okay. Eh… What more can I say? Mom, you know I am not very good at writing letters. I suppose my talent is just alchemy and be a stubborn boy._

 _I just wanted to tell you that I_ miss _you._ A lot _._

 _Al too, of course. Since we left Resembool he seems sad, someway. Also, he tends to cry when he thinks I can't hear him. He_ always _have been such a_ crybaby _, isn't he? Since we were little. Al tries his best to look strong and manly, but I know he's still a little boy playing to be mature._

 _I guess I'll have to be the strong sibling as always! (Haha)_

 _But, you know, mom… He grew since the last time you see him. I am pretty sure you could_ not _recognonize him… Seriously, mom, even if he is just a year younger than me he looks so different! In fact, he is now taller than me… Maybe I should cut his legs? Just kidding!_

 _Now we are in Central City. It's pretty far from the place we were born. It's kinda awesome how many kilometers we have travel by ourselves. Because of this we spend so much time in trains. Al usually sits next to the window and I sit in front of him. He looks thought the crystal without saying a word, with a lost gaze. I wonder what he's thinking those times…(I wonder if he_ hates _me…)_

 _Sometimes, in those long trips I do the same as him, and I look at him and think I could do anything for him. Because Al is my brother. My_ beloved _younger brother that you gave me. I think I could do_ anything _for you, as well. In fact, I_ did it _. I did_ something _terrible for you. Something unforgivable I pray you won't know._

…

 _Central City is very big. I think you would not like it because of the noise and the people. Nevertheless, Winry loves it. She tends to visit the place frequenly saying she misses us, but I think Winry just comes to devastate the shops._

 _Oh! You know about the state alchemists, mom? I became one of them. The youngest one! Military pays_ so _good! … I know you must think I was mad when I decided it, but I am fine, and Al is too. We have objectives we have to comply_ no matter what. _I can't tell you in this letter... And I am not asking you to understand, neither forgive me._

…

 _I have always complained about Al's weakness, playing to be the strongest,_ tallest _and coolest… But you know me better than anyone, doesn't you?_

 _I know I can_ truly _rely in Alphonse, and that fact has kept me standing up all these years. Mom, I do love him better than anything or anyone, but what to do when I can't_ even _lean on my little brother?_

 _Sometimes I feel sad. Sometimes I feel lonely. Or empty._ Pathetic _._

 _There are things I can't tell Al because of my stupid pride of older brother. And because I know if I am miserable he must feel double than me._

 _Because_ I _am the one who made him miserable._

 _What kind of equivalent exchange it was if the only one who_ always _suffer is Al?!_

 _I am the_ only _one who must bear with the guilt — He was just an unfortunate witness of my sin. Sometimes I feel he is with me just because of our kin, because he still sees me as a little and clumsy kid who needs to be guarded. And maybe I am. I want Al to have a new happy life, but I don't think he will if he's here with me._

 _Mom, I miss you. I don't see the time when I will finally be_ there _with you. Perhaps that will be the only time I will feel in peace with myself. You were so sweet, so warm…_

 _I want to be with you, and forget all of my sins._

 _But mom, before vanish I have to do one thing. Before vanish I..."_

* * *

"Brother? Ed?" A familiar voice called him. "Brother, are you there?"

Edward lifted up his eyes from the desk where he was writting, leaving the pen on the table and hiding the letter under a book before answer:

"Here I am, Al."

The room's door opened with a noise showing a huge and heavy armor.

"Brother!" He said with his childish voice , angrily. "I've been looking for you! Where were you? And what are you doing in _such_ a place? It's very dark! Why don't you open the windows? Your eyes will get hurted."

The oldest sibling laughted shamelessly while he got up from the chair and obeyed his brother.

"Sorry, sorry" he said, opening the windows. The light fullfilled the dark room, dazzling both of them.

The small room was slighty messy, with books abandoned all over the floor, paper sheets and Edward's clothings scattered.

Edward half-closed his eyes. He was wearing just a thin black T-shirt and same color trousers — not even shoes in his feet, which contrasted drastically with people of the outside, wearing coats and scarfs. His long blonde hair was falling over his back as well, wild and slighty unkept.

"Brother, do I braid your hair?" the armor asked. "Also, you should wrap yourself. You'll catch a cold" he added with a softer voice.

Edward Elric leaded his left hand (the human one) to the back of the head, almost petting his hair.

"Nah, it's okay" He finally said, and aware of his brother's concern he added "And do not worry Al, doesn't the people say that _fools_ don't catch colds? There is nothing to worry about!"

He heard his brother complaining defending him from, ironically, himself.

"It is so unfair!" Alphonse Elric whined with an anger his brother found kinda cute, remembering why was he there. "When I turned around you were _not_ there! I asked Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye if they'd seen you, but they hadn't! I have run _all_ Central looking for you! And you are just here, doing whatever you were doing, shirking me!"

"Why you didn't look for here in firs…"

"You _barely_ are in here!" He forestalled Edward's comment. "It was more probable find you shouting at Colonel's face or fighting against strangers calling you _short_ than than do it here, in a room that, despite that is ours, you hardly step! I was afraid you would have gone _without_ me, you stupid older brother!" Alphonse finally exploded with a broken voice.

In Edward's brain, bewilderment was replaced by guilt.

"T-That's not true!" The older brother stammered. "How could _I_ do that, Alphonse? You know _I_ wouldn't!"

 _(You're the only reason of my being!)_

"But you…!"

Edward sighed deeply, walking towards his little brother and surrounding him with both of his arms, even if the armor was too much big (and he too much small, but he would never admit it) for his arms to hug him completly. Edward felt Alphonse's pang dwindle.

"You, silly brother!" he murmured with an unusual kind voice against the cold metal armor his brother was. "You're daft if you even thinked the possibility!"

 _(I could not live without you.)_

Edward stepped away of the armor, throwing at him the impish and confident smirk he knew so well.

"I'm not going to _vanish_ , you know!" The alchemist said cheerfully. "What kind of brother would I be if I let such a wondrous man as _me_ leave your life?"

 _(Not a very good one, just as me, right?)_

Alphonse Elric stared at him a few moments, not saying a thing.

"Oh, c'mon Al" Ed suplicated jittery. "What can I do to obtain your forgiveness?" Edward forced a smile. "I'll do whatever you wish! _Anything_!"

 _(Please Al, forgive me. Could you forgive this idiot brother of yours?)_

"… Cats." The armor whispered.

 _(…)_

His brother lifted up his gaze.

"Wait, what?"

"Cats, I said!" Alphonse repeated, louder, almost with anger.

Edward looked at him, paralized. His eyes, golden as his were been were frozen, open and surprised. His body, as restless as it always was was now still. His long hair, now able to run all over his back, granted him (someway) a fragile look.

Alphonse felt how abashment filled his being, even if he did not know why. Had he put his food in his mouth saying something _that_ crazy?

"Y-You said a-anything!" Alphonse stammered.

The older one returned to reality with a nod of his head, shaking some strands of blonde hair.

"Did I? Sure I did? I didn't, didn't I? Are you sure I did, Al?"

"Don't fool around, brother! You _did_!"

Edward burst into laughter, leaning forward and finally falling over his knees, still laughting. Oh god, his stomach hurt, but he couldn't stop.

"What's wrong with you?" Alphonse demanded, angrily but ashamed, with a gruffly tone. "It's not even funny, brother!"

Still on the floor, Edward stared at him, with glazed eyes because of the laught.

"Oh, Al." He finally said between attacks of laughter. "For God's sake, how can you be _so_ … You're _so_ … You're _so_ much…"

 _(How can you be_ so _cute sometimes, brother?)_

At that point, the armor which contained Edward Elric's little brother's soul babbled something, unable to find correct words to throw to that strange guy who was lying down on his brother's room, laughing but with sour tears on his golden eyes.

* * *

 _"Before I vanish from this world I have to do one important thing, probably the_ most _important one in my life._

 _I stole Al's happiness, mom. His ability to laugh, to eat, to sleep, to cry and even to_ feel _. As his thief and_ only _culprit, I want to give him back everything I toke him away._

 _I want to see him cry once more. I want to see him laugh once more. I want to see his sleepy face one more time. I would give everything I've got just to see my brother's dirty face full of flecks of food just once more!_

 _Only then I'll feel my job here is done. I'll make Alphonse happy again, so happy that he will not notice that I am not with him anymore._

… _I guess I can't go with you yet, huh? Could you still wait for me up there, mom? Even if I know I do not deserve something_ that _full of mercy._

 _Could you forgive me, mom? Could you forgive this hubris and egoist son of yours?_

 _Wait for me, mom. Please, wait for me._

 _Your sinful and stupid older son,_

 _Edward Elric."_

* * *

 **Greetings! I just wanted to say that this is my first fic in English; I just hope I haven't destroy your language... So much. D:** **English is not my natural languaje (it's Spanish), but I wanted to try something different this time, so... New fandom, new language, blah blah blah.**

 **At first I thinked just to write Edward's letter and I was just like "Oh god, this barely will have thousand words." but then, while I was writing I saw how my story was ocuppying more and mores pages, and I ended up with almost four completed sheets writen in English. I guess I just got excited.**

 **Now I think your language is pretty cool. I like specially how you can end almost every phase with "DIDN'T I?" just like Edward did. "Bla bla bla, DIND'T YOU?". Just f#cking GREAT.**

 **Also, I became so much closer to Google Translate thanks to this. Now we are almost soulmates. I should put in the description "by: Google Translate ft. The writer". Seriously, you shouldn't hate him that much, he just wants friends :3.**

 **Anyway, I hope you liked it :) (BECAUSE IT COST ME SO MUCH EFFORT C: ). I would be grateful if you tell me any mistakes, because I want to improve my English (and send my English teacher away... Ironic, ISN'T IT?).**

 **Any review for this little, lost soul? Everything will be well received!**


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